The Harrogate Band

Did you ever hear the Harrogate Band ?
Although it's so awful, they think it's grand,
You can hear it as the day is dawning,
When you take your waters in the morning.

There was once a man, I understand,
Who said that he liked the Harrogate Band
I thought him the strangest man on earth
'Till I found that he'd been deaf from birth.

Did you ever hear that awful band ?
There's nothing like it in all the land,
Its strains of music are so sad
It makes good people feel quite bad.

The instruments all creak and wheeze,
They wander off into various keys,
It may suit some, but it's not my taste,
For it gives me pains below the waist.

Did you ever hear that curious band ?
The Band and the Cure go hand in hand,
As the music is not all too pure
No wonder the visitors need a cure.

They played last night for a good half–hour,
'Till I turned queer, and the milk turned sour,
The lights burned dim, and the air went blue,
Then the gas went out, and the cat went too.

To stand that band you need great nerve,
If their members got what they deserve
They'd be taken out to a quiet spot
Where the visitors could shoot the lot.