The Harrogate Hotels                                  

See the Harrogate Hotels!
Best Hotels !
What an admiration their magnificence compels,
Oh! the glitter, glitter, glitter from their windows every night,
While the poor folk by them flitter
Feeling envious and bitter
Which is not exactly right.
They are great, great, great,
They are big and up–to–date.
They have a reputation like the sulphur in the wells,
And the thousands who're inside 'em -
Goodness knows where they can hide 'em,
For the waiter never tells,
And their grub you never question
Though it gives you indigestion
In these swanky, and these blanky, great Hotels.
See the second class Hotels!

Still "Hotels"
What a lot of romance your exploring them dispels.
How they gather, gather, gather all the public in their clutch,
And the tales they try to rub in
Theirs is really first class grubbin'
Though it doesn't cost as much,
They are good, good, good,
But it must be understood
That they rather lack the tone that's so attractive to the swells,
Their guests arrive from Sub–hubs,
With their rather sordid hub–bubs,
And they come out of their shells,
And they paralyse the waiters
For they gorge like alligators
In these most sedate and second rate Hotels.

There are some comprised of cells,
Called "Hotels"
To give a true description my veracity compels,
And they cater, cater, cater at the very lowest price,
While their guests, adults and nippers,
Feast on steak and chips or kippers
And they think 'em very nice.
They are fair, fair, fair,
But the odours in the air `
Are a rank conglomeration of most unattractive smells.
And the waiters stand there grinnin'
Clad in prehistoric linen
Unresponsive to the bells.
There are bedrooms, too, in numbers,
Not conducive much, to slumbers,
Where they never make a clearance,
Towels of second–hand appearance,
Only half a little basin
That you get to wash your face in,
Beds that cannot be forgotten,
Very poor and very rotten.
Oh! the sheeting, where's the Keating?
In the small hotels.