The Various Harrogate Baths

If Baths are your hobby, my Friend,
At Harrogate you'll be in clover,
For variety there is no end,
I'll just run a few of them over.

The Sulphur bath isn't half bad,
But for one you can clean sweep the deck with,
Just pay up your money, my lad,
And go in for a Sulphur Bath Beckwith.

The Turkish is good, of its kind,
But to cut a respectable caper,
The classy affair, you will find,
Is a Nauheim, with needle and vapour.

The Russian (not Bolshie, of course)
Will please an ambitious beginner,
But it fills you with pain and remorse
If it's taken too soon after dinner.

Now, how do you think you would like
A Plombiere total immersion ?
The average man it would strike
As a giddy and pleasant diversion.

The Running Sitz Bath's rather great,
It's a cleverly worked bit of cunning,
It's popular, and up to date,
And like Charley's Aunt, it's still running.

If you want something out of the way,
Have a go at the Harrogate Massage,
If you don't tip the Masseur, they say,
He'll chevy you all down the passage.

The Whirlpool I don't recommend,
Unless you are strong in the noddle,
But the Peat Local's bully, no end,
And can well be set up as a model.

Accessory Treatment's to hand
To which a small guide book's referring,
The Paraffin Wax Bath is grand,
And the Fango Pack really is stirring.

Whether fat or as thin as a lath,
It's a fact one cannot be denying,
You, now and then, must have a bath,
And the Harrogate lot are worth trying;

So go the whole hog–have the lot,
On my tip put the proper construction,
Pay up for them all on the spot,
And they'll make a substantial reduction.