For those who seek health through its various paths
The Electrical Treatments at Harrogate Baths
Are sure to appeal.
The D'Arsonval stunt, a High Frequency touch,
Takes a good twenty minutes, it may not seem much,
But it's good as a meal.
The fine "Hot Air Treatment" is great, 'pon my word,
There's "Local" and "General," and
"Needle's" the third,
I tried 'em, all three :
Some people who try them enjoy every bit,
I'm a lover of truth, and I freely admit
They didn't suit me.
Now, the Radiant Heat Bath I rather enjoyed,
When I heard them call "Time" I was rather annoyed,
It was really O.K.
I'm putting by money, and really intend,
When I have sufficient, my savings to spend
On another, some day.
The Combined Light and Heat, with a Needle thrown in
Will give you a beautiful "Palm–Olive" skin,
And brighten your cheeks,
Your hair will grow longer, your flesh will be firm,
Your system reject every microbe and germ,
For several weeks.
The Schnee Four Cell Treatment is not in my way,
Against it I really have nothing to say,
People like it, no doubt,
By luck, I've not been in a cell up to now,
The Schnee lot may be good enough, I allow,
But I'd rather keep out.
Now, Cataphoresis, to make a clean breast,
The very name frightens me more than the rest,
It may be good biz,
I'm not over nervous, my courage is great,
But you'll never find any of that on my plate
Till I know what it is.
Diathermy may sound pretty good on the whole,
And I might sample that, when I go up the Pole,
But not till I do.
The Bergonic Treatment you'll like (when it's done)
It's a long job, it takes from a quarter to one
To a quarter to two.
To sum up the treatment, I really must say
They're all right to take, just to kill a wet day,
They are classy and chaste,
But as a disciple of Washington, I
Admit it's not often that I have a try,
It's a question of taste.
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