One Summer day, at Harrogate, a Motor Car I bought,
I'm not a judge of Motors, but it looked all right, I thought,
I gave the man a cheque for it, and then I clambered in,
And also took a friend with me to have a jolly spin.
We passed the Valley Gardens, and were near the Ironworks,
When suddenly, the Motor Car gave several nasty jerks,
And when we reached the Ironworks its spirits, somehow,
dropped,
It seemed to smell some iron that it knew, and so it stopped.
My friend and I got out, and tried to move the starting gear,
While several children gathered round and gave us both a cheer,
In half–an–hour or so it started off with might and main,
It nearly reached the Quarry then the blighter stopped again.
We polished up the bonnet and we shook the petrol tank,
My friend thought it would do it good, but that was only swank,
Then I got underneath the car, I don't mind telling you,
I did it just because it seems the proper thing to do.
When I'd been underneath some time, my pal began to shout,
The car had started off again before he got me out.
I lost the seat of my plus–fours, the car was gaining power,
We leapt inside, and off we went at sixty miles an hour.
Birk Craig, as you're aware, is just a high and rocky mass,
And just as we were passing, my old pal the silly ass,
He caught hold of the steering wheel, the car began to pitch,
And he and I, also the car, were lying in the ditch.
When we had got it right side up, and straightened out the
brake
And tied the wheels on tightly, then a start we tried to make,
We must have messed about with it for quite an hour, I'm sure,
And then we had to push it all the way to Harlow Moor.
Dead beat, we sat and looked at it, and shed a bitter tear,
We hadn't any lunch with us, we hadn't any beer,
But we swore we'd make it go again, if we stayed there a week,
Then we noticed that the petrol tank had, somehow, sprung a
leak.
To plug the leak some oily rags inside the tank we popped,
Then my old pal he struck a match to see if it had stopped,
There came a flash and then a crash, just like the noise of
War,
And the subsequent proceedings interested us no more.
I got off rather lightly, I was better in a week,
My friend, who had the ride (?) with me refuses now to speak,
As regards the man who sold the car – I'd like to break his
neck,
But I did the next best thing to that, I wired and stopped the
cheque.
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