The Observatory, Harlow Moor

At Harrogate, some time ago, a holiday I spent,
One lovely morning, bright and warm, to Harlow Moor I went ;
I saw the fine Observatory, paid the humble fee,
And went inside, the wonders of the countryside to see.

I had been told the show was one of Harrogate's delights,
That looking through the telescope you saw some wondrous sights,
Anticipating quite a treat I toddled up, Oh Lor',
Then I looked through the telescope, and what do you think I saw?

I saw a milkman on his rounds, the picture made me jump,
He was filling up his milk can with the water from a pump,
The Dairyman, his Master, I saw, busy too, at home,
He was putting cards marked "New Laid Eggs" on lays of Ancient Rome.

At a quiet Square in Harrogate I chanced to have a look,
And saw a gallant p'liceman there, canoodling the Cook,
I'm naturally modest, I concluded the survey,
And I very quickly turned the telescope the other way.

This brought before my view, at once, the lovely Royal Baths,
They were full of people, some were fat and some were thin as laths ;
They were having Sulphur, Vapour, Russian, Turkish, Peat and such,
And trying hard to look as if they liked it very much.

I next observed a lady who was walking on the Stray,
But I very, very quickly turned the glass the other way,
Believe me or believe me not, whichever you may please,
She wore a skirt, the saucy minx, that hardly reached her knees.

I got a view of Starbeck, and I saw a stately toll,
He was trying hard to master the intricacies of golf,
And every time he swung his club a cloud of dust occurred,
I could see his awful language though I couldn't hear a word.

The next view that I focussed was the bar of an Hotel,
It was just as "they were opening" I looked inside and, well,
The scramble for the drinks was quite enough to make me blush,
And several "teetotallers" were injured in the crush.

I tried a new direction : in the Gardens, near the Band,
A Soldier and a Servant Maid were seated, hand in hand,
He was telling her he'd marry her, her face was warm and bright,
The Prophet said, "All men are liars" – no doubt he was right.

I saw a certain Grocer with the sugar mixing sand,
I saw the paint and powder on the ladies' faces–and
I thought, "Well, what a lot of sights there are upon the Earth,"
Then I put down the telescope – I'd had my money's worth.